Diary, January 2020:
After limbering up with Peloton for Complacency Week I’m headed off to my Counter Terrorism lessons, ending with a tutorial on how to spend our money appropriately should we (when we!!) win the state Lottery. Day planner full ; totally ensconced in happiness 🙂
Don’t worry if you aren’t seen, there’s more of us than ever. Live Strong!
in dad’s army…on Dunkirk….
Next up, praying at an ATM
Jeremy Corbyn yesterday confused an actual event, Brexit and the apocalypse, with a metaphor.
The Tory solution to Theresa May was Boris Johnson. The Tory solution to our day to day struggle of conservatively waking up, working under pressure, and dealing with a system we do not want is: more pressure, a time limit, and complication of matters so to reap what others sow.
(So long to that and allelujiah.)
… life, don’t enjoy it.
sugar, spice, or everything nice
“Why did the chicken cross the road? “
To avoid the drug dealers bribing young children with its fried and battered flesh.
…which is fine, but neither the Metro or The Guardian have yet to make the link between the high rate of seagull activity and the amount of missing persons this year
stop reading the metro
The new challenge of the Home Office: stopping refugees & migrants from climbing into their own boats.
Perhaps PM Johnson could pull a Dirk Gently with Mr. Francois de Bugy… and then get the hell out of there.
From the internet (BBC): Facebook intends to scan brains with AI to make “fully non-invasive” wearable devices that can read your thoughts and then output words.
Miraculously, the new technology makes use of “muscle twitching” and “eye movement”, natural to anyone using Facebook technology.
/ Conservative: to lack in spirit
/ Expectation of privacy after committing crimes against humanity
/ Give the prison guard a £500 bottle of wine
Found in the folder from Metro (UK) 16 June, 2019
The Telegraph’s version is illuminating in its own way: “Child spies should be recruited more often by MI5 and police, security minister says“. Clearly, these children are adults. The case continues.
Still, hope…
An unfortunate day for names in the news. MP Tugendhat* has asked that all dirty laundry be stashed and a formal inquiry by Cmssr. Dick be opened after a leak of diplomatic memos concerning the White House caused uproar. Sir Kim’s analysis in Washington described the White House as “dysfunctional” and “inept” and in no way likely to change. He remains the ambassador and an astute observer. He has also “pulled out” of dinner plans at the W.H.
President Trump (dick head) opted to spew forth vitriol on Twitter calling the U.K. ambassador an “idiot” and denouncing him as “not liked”, thus absolved of any future liaisons.
* Actual man. Conservative (Tornbridge & Malling): The Guardian, of course, could have asked for comments from anyone named anything else requesting action from any other public servant but the poetry is already in motion.
Homelessness: Instant Death. The new fantasy novel by Theresa May. Introduction by Rupert Murdoch.
or
Maybe the French had the right idea with banlieues. But you still can’t breathe.
Corbyn misunderstands comment on “frailty”, assumes failure physical rather than spiritual
Leeds was introduced to electricity in the mid 1880’s, facilitating the rise of popular establishments like the cinema. These were largely implemented to keep grown men from crawling around on the floor, grabbing children’s ankles.
The contrast between the Metro and Evening Standard’s stories on July 1st highlight several government policy failures
Special Constable Joseph Kaz solves knife crime & revenue issue for entire nation on live television for free leads to…
Shadow-bound pigfuckers in the upper echelon of the bureaucracy force resignation, Kaz “disgusted”.
Boris Johnson expecting to be hired as a play-actor of public service leads to…
Johnson refuses to stop toeing the line. won’t leave the television.
Today a man was seen yelling at a Metro worker in front of the tube, hurling papers across the pavement. After things had calmed down I asked the worker about the altercation and his reply was simply, “This is the society we live in.” It was a pretty vague response, but after reading Humpty Dumpty Jr.’s commentary on the question of his own naked mud wrestling, I felt that I fully understood both of them. As tempted as we are, still — don’t kill the messenger.
1.2 billion pounds have been allocated by the energy suppliers. In a daring move by the energy suppliers, they have raised the cost of the energy. They have concluded this is best for the consumer. Long live the energy suppliers.
.bog
This morning’s commuter paper displays the beautiful dynamic between journalist and world leader
(death, incarceration).
The front page of the Metro features Boris Johnson (UK) denying anything to do with ( common to genus Boris ) the detention of a British citizen in Iran for spying.
Inside, President Donald Trump (U.S.) brings heavy retardation to the forefront, reportedly exclaiming “Fake news media!” at his re-election rally as supporters chanted their mantra “CNN sucks!”; and finally the crown prince of Saudi Arabia is so far not being investigated for anything. Putin remains silent.
Editor’s note:
Should you choose to opt out of the trade of Energy, weapons systems, and vast sums of money for personal benefit, please allow 10 working days for your request to be processed in either Australia or Belgium. Don’t forget to pray, everybody!
The dangers of treating the contestants of the hit show Love Island like actual people has become apparent to campaigners of propriety. This can only be of further use to the producers of the upcoming ITV reality show “Sodom and Gomorrah”, where contestants take part in actual sodoming and gomorrahing until attacked by demons of their own making.
Boris Johnson (Tory, empty vessel) seems ever present in the national headlines, but in planning for his future as possible PM yesterday was conspicuously absent in the Channel 4 debates. Public debates are generally seen as a display of honesty, integrity and dedication for politicians, but as rival Stewart bravely pointed out, the Eton boys do have flaws. (It is likely that Johnson thought he could send an aid.)
Your Nectar card would love to know why you’re not visiting your friends.
“Did you take cocaine” is the question of the day for Etonian Boris Johnson, in lieu of the likely, “Are you going to go to jail” at his press conference today but — never fear — the Metro hits home with its scintillating coverage on love in the 21st century. Much like 21st century work, banned behaviour includes public masturbating and unsafe sex, and is of course mentioned as much as possible. “Love Island” viewers explore romantic themes such as “vanity” and “coveting” amid narcissistic personality disorders and possible psychopathy. An island nation, indeed!
A day prior to President Trump’s landing in London, the U.S. ambassador to the U.K. stated that the British are expected to put their NHS “on the table” (sacrificed to feed Trump’s “life force”; ultimately sustaining the demons consuming him and his unholy connection to the abyss) in regards to future trade agreements. There is no comment on the referendum. Trump is set to dine with both Johnson and other dignitaries to discuss these matters.
[Editor’s note: My advice, as an American, is to hold on to the McDonald’s coupons at the bottom of the page, and any penicillin available. Youtube’s “self surgery” category is also right at your fingertips!]
CityAM continues with the theme of sacrifice (inherent to reading it), with Owen Bennett writing that the president’s next stop is to convene with PM May, royalty and business leaders at a meeting to “break bread”.
Fun fact : the origin of the phrase “breaking bread” is from Jesus’ last supper whereby he sternly warns his disciples he’s about to be murdered, as prophesied.
“ I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me.” 22 They were very sad and began to say to him one after the other, “Surely not I, Lord?” 23 Jesus replied, “The one who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me. 24 The Son of Man will go just as it is written about him. But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born.” 25 Then Judas, the one who would betray him, said, “Surely not I, Rabbi?” Jesus answered, “Yes, it is you.”
While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take and eat; this is my body.”
Tory rock star Rory Stewart has been caught regaling the press with stories of smoking opium in Iraq.
Pro: self-aware enough to smoke the drugs you give him. Con: will call you “poor” if given inadequate amount.
Post-racism in a populist world:
You are denied access due to color & race. You are now given access due to color & race.
Future options include leaving skin color and gender to the -ologists.
A shortage in skilled workers has left the UK searching for “migrants” to fill key positions. Whether or not they’ve migrated away from said positions isn’t mentioned. Speculation is rife?
Boris Johnson, the likely candidate to replace the current leader of the country, is to be taken to court for using giant buses to mislead the public.
The advertisements claimed a vast quantity of funds went to the EU that did not go to the EU, likely causing some to vote to leave the EU in a referendum of which his party instigated. Johnson “absolutely denies” the claims, despite using said buses to deliver speeches to the public on why they should leave the EU …
Page 2 : common discourse on Zionism and Islamic extremism are investigated in the West, as populism rings in the air. Somewhere, perhaps, Jesus sighs.
Page 3 is dedicated to the burning importance of “Made in Chelsea Spencer’“‘s watch. He has Twitter and a TV show and is unscathed. Does anybody know the closest Pret ?
Thankfully the Five Eyes some how managed to avoid recruiting Mr. Butts, what seemed to be an infamous anus of a self-prophesying individual featured in a Channel 4 documentary on extremist Islam.
Unlike the Transport For London, for example, who must have missed his Facebook profile. He was subsequently hired on as security and is remembered for quitting because of sore feet and smoking lots of weed. After his departure he would go on to crashing his own vehicle into the public, and then running around stabbing them.
Answer: live as corporate entity in high rise suite or on Virgin Islands.
The Dystopian 
